Presenting...
A CLassic Love Story
In 2021, Twitter (now X) user josh androsky tweeted this:
This Twitter/X account no longer exists.
After this inspiration, the author of this web page continued this idea of emails to Betty Boop as a weekly feature for a fantasy football league Discord server. These are those emails.
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: sweet thang
dear bettty boop,
i see your pictures in my books and it makes my nono parts feel like they are in space or something. how are you? i think about you all the time and hope those lab boys are working today to make you body into real. it smelled real bad in there the other day i hope that means it is starting to work. daddy said this was a fools errend whatever that means. he was mean sometimes, but i know in my hart you will be real for me one day
i bet you smell really good in real life. like cadberry eggs or soup. better than me maybe. mama always called me stink boy. still does even when i take two showers a day.
i never wanted this dam brownball team. iwanted to run a seven eleven but daddy wouldnt let me. i always wanted to load up that spinner that had all the hot dogs in it and watcch them get hot. do you call a hot dog a hot dog even before they are hot? i dont know. everybody calls me boss here but if i had a 711 id get to call all my customers boss ha ha. you and me babe we would run a hell of a seven eleven together i'd even let you have all of the slurpys you wanted i promise. we could change the price on the gas sign together. do you know why there is a 9 and 10 at the end of the pprices on gas? i don't know how to pay that i hope it counts those somehow when the pump is pumping the gas into my car. is that what a shiling is in england?
i have to go to a coach meeting in a few minutes so i have to leave you my honey boop. i ll send you anyother email latere. i need to find out what deefence is
love
mark,,,,
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: my darlin
betty my love,
i was at the store today and found something you would love it is a shirt with you and that big dog and says i got that dawg in me isn't that funny? i hope that big dog is not bothiering you and this was a profesonal photo shot. i did not buy the shirt it was forty dollars.
i called jerry joens today. he is the man that own the dallas brownball team.....the cowboy. i asked if he knew how to bring people like you from comic world to our world and he didnyt know anything about that. i dont think he likes his wife very much. i dont have a wife thank god because once youre here in vegas with me i will marry you at the chapel at the gas station i buy my mountin dews from. the man that works there is from tebet. have you been there? jerry joans likes brownball a lot. i thin k he used to play with hogs or something. he is a weird man. i went to dallas once and they had realy good pancakes
i want to hug you so much id sell this stadium daddy made me build if i could. it looks like one of those vacums for the house but it doesnt do that. talk again later sweety
lovs
Mark
ps how did that big letter happen?
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: ouch
dear betty coop,
my belly hurts something awful today. momma wanted to go to the buffet at the luxor and they had a fres h batch of crab legs. i love crab legs but they sure are hard to chew. momma had the meatloaf and gravy and potatoes and eggs and the soup and salad breadsticks and there was als o a chocolate fountain that i really liked but mom only let me have one marshmello in it.
boy my belly hurts and i'm squirtin real bad with hot squirts. worse than the time daddy made his special beans. god i wish you were here darlin to give me my maalocks and lay in bed while i squirt into this paper sack by the bed. mom can oly do so much nowaday.
hows your folks and them? do you have a dog? i think i remember you did if so thats cool. i have a dog named excellence. my daddy named him before he died the dog is 26 years old and squirts wheter his belly hurts or not. do you watch brownball where you live? what is your vavorite team? i dont know if you have that where you are if not let me know if there are balls you play with
boys at the lab said the spam didnt work to bring you to reality. i asked about treet but they said that probably wouldnt werk either. i've spent billion dollars on this and i know some day youll be knocking on the door to my apartment here in vagas. i'll buy a thirty pack just for us and we will have a good time. raiders treet haha! anyway got to go, i'm about to have another squirt if you know how to plug my bottom up from the squirt (i cant saqy the other word or momma will get mad) let me know kisses
love
markk
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: my darling angele
dear betty
i may have an idea about bringing you to life here with me. i remember a while ago when i still lived in oackland that i went to a comic conventin and there were all of these really long pillows with pretty ladies (and some boys) on them. not as beautiful as you of corse my baby girl but i just remembered about them and wondered if i could get some and have the lab guys try to put you in one and make you real. boy i hope this is a good idea i want you so bad your body is obsurd.
oaklaned was kind of dirty when i remember it. i'm glad im in vegas for when you get here becasue its really cool and theres lots of things to do. sometimes there are guys that hand me cards with naked ladies on them and it makes me think of you and i cry sometimes but not all the time. all i ever did in okland was play around up in the top part ofthe stadium my daddy built messing around with all the cool stuff up there. did you know my brownball team was in los angles once?
i heard that baseball team that we had to share a stadium iwth is moving to vegis. boy i hate them! i won't share my new stadium at all makes me mad. have you met mrs. met? write back soon the computer guys say you cant send anything to me but they are a bunch of wierdos
love and kisssess
marke,.f
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: pretty betty
deer boetty,
i was thinking about your hair last night while brushing my teeth and wondered how you get it to look like that. do you use shampoo like we do here in earth? i bet yours smells like apples or ice cream. i want to touch it
brownball team is doing better but still not very good. I was walking in the back of my stadium trhe other day and saw the big machine that squishes the trash into little bricks. i saw a tv show once that said diamonds are made from rocks bein squoze. i have the boys in the lab looking into if sqeezing anything can bring you here to me. i suggested a few things like boxes of cereal (smacks are my favorite) and maybe some sardines. sardines are already packed real tight in that can so we may not even have to squeez very hard!
oh bety thinking about you makes me feel like I've got a big ham stuffed in my pants and my head gets sweaty. if momma sees me like that she tells me to go into my shame room for a few minutes. if you were here i'd tell that old bag to take a hike so we could have her room in her condo instead of my apartment. my lease is up in april i hope i can get you over here by then
until next time my deearest, i have a meeting with campbel soup they want to sponsor my brownball team with creem of clelery soup sounds gross
love
mark
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: need help
betty i need your help
i messed up real bad yesterday and totally messed up the bathroom in my apartment. i was on the toilet waching tv on my ipad when jeopary came on. i always get real dizzy when those questions pop up and i don't know any of the answer s just like in school i got real dizy and scared and fell of the toilet and hit my head on the towel rack. turned around to pick up my ipod in the toilet and slipped on some water and hit my head on the toilet.
i broke the toilet real bad and i woke up and water and poo and pee were everywhere i swear i saw you in my apartment but when the room stopped spinnin you were gone. were you here last night? i called the lab since they were squeezin stuff this week but they didnt pick up. i may go over there and see if they got you here and left for lunch or something.
my head hurts something awful and my commode is all screwed up i hope i dont have a concussin do you know how to fix toilets? i'd ask my landlord but she really mean and told me this was the last toilet she'd fix. my ipad is all wet too and has some poo on it i hope that's not too gross bettyy i kno you would understand
i think i'll call coach and have him come over i think he has some tools and i pay him anyways i think ill do that and find some tylenol. if you are here in our world let me know or come back to the apartment if you were here please. if so bring towels and pine sol darlin
lov
mark?
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: brownball sucks
my big booby betty,
i went to the doctor over by the dominos and he said i don’t have a conkusson so that’s good. coach didn’t know how to fix a toilet but a got some of that flex glue at the home depo and that worked pretty good. leaks a little still but not real bad i put a cereeal bowl under it
oh betty my dam brownball team is so bad. i was so mad today after paying so much for the flex glue and my car stereo got a tape stuck in it and it was my favorite kid n play tape i will have to make another one dang it i’m pissed. when i got to the office i walked in and coach was dressed like me for halloween. he didn’t even have my hair rite i work really hard on that. he had to do that the day after i showed him my toilet and he said he wasn’t a plummer. bety i had it. gave him what my daddy called the old shitcan. hr told me that that dont require me to actually give him a can of dog poop but i don’t know what those people in hr do anyway. i told that dumb coach to leave and hr said i had to still pay him which does not seem fair as he did not fix my toilet and my team is awful. does paun shops buy brown ball teams? i could sell it to the fat boy on tv after the alien show.
bettyty my goodness i wish they’d squeeze you over here. i went over to the lab the other day after i saw you when i hit my head and they said they had not made any progres i guess that was just my noggin. that made me mad too. darlin im so darn mad!1 if i could just squez your big boobs and smell your wrists i would finally be happy we could take a road trip once i get this tape out of my stereo. have you ever been to branson? i saw someone dressed like you on the strip last night and i had to go to the arby’s bathroom for a minute or two
write back soon doll, i gotta go find a new coach so let me know if you know anybody i asked one guy on the street by the circus circus but he just peed on me. we’re gonna get you squeeze over here!!!! i may have a new ideea
love and kisssssses
mark
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: oh my darlin
dear betty
how are you? i’m better this week and they took the sitches out of my head which makes my hairdo look better. my landlord is still upset about the toilet so i think she cut my gas off. she don’t know i have a big ol torch for my daddy at my stadium so i lit that last night and cooked up some beany weanies my favorite. my stadium doesnt have a hole in the roof like jerry joans so it got a little smokey but thats okay. why did he keep a hole is his roof? that’s silly.
i just finished my beans and was having a baja blast from my stash i stole from the back of the taco bell and got to thinkin. you know how the lab’s been squeezin stuff right? i think we might be on the wrong trac! i’ve tried to get to your world like its a dimenshion but what if youre up in space? on cartoon planet? did they make pluto not a planet to hide that thats where the cartoon live?
i called that space guy elam musk and asked him about it. hes not a very nice person actually but he said that maybe pretty soon we could have a rocket that can reaech pluto. i bet pluto the dog is there too! tell me if he is and we can bring him along too. elan asked if i wanted to buy one of his cars but i don’t like cars that dont make any noise and he said he could put a loud horn on it. i’ll think about it because i still havent gotten my kid n play tape out of my car its relly stuck in there. i paid ellum must 4 million so well see what kind of rockit he makes.
anyways, the lab boys are starting to scan space to see if they can find you. i said it wouldn’t be hard if they could find your big tatas haha! not giving up on the squez stuff tho since i have to attack all angles
still looking for new raiders coach. this is kind of hard and they cost so much money but i hope i find a good one. jenny joans mentioned a guy named switser but that sounds like something to clean your no-no parts so i dont know about that. keep looking over there and tel me if you find someone cheap. we’ll git together soon my sweet thang
lov
marck
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: turkeyy
my bettay boop
last week was thanksgiving, my favorite holiday! do you celebraate thanksgiving? if you do and youre on pluto what meat do you cook?
well i say it my favotire holiday, bebby, but it really hasnt been very good the past few years since my momma hosts it at her condo. she makes me cook the cramberries when she knows i like the can ones the homade has too many berries in it an not enough cram. but just thinking of you made everything better even when momma has her day terrors at the table.
daddy used to carve the turkey but he cant anymore since he's dead and all. momma don't let me use knives so she does it and shes got the shakes real bad from her gin and on count of being old so it was all weird. i dont hav e any brothers or sisters so it was me her the dog and my uncle jimmy who just got out of the hospital from screaming too much at the cash store by his house. i turned of fthe tv when dolly parten came on the cowboy game because she remind me of you and makes me feel funny and id rather you make me feel funny if you know what i mean haha
space lab still lookin for those tatas of yours i bet theyll fine em any day now. they said they have the best camera to look up there and i hope so it was ex[pensive and i still have a coach to hire for my brownball team thats so borning.
i drove back out to oackland to the big seecret lab i still got over there before that dumb city sells it and i swear i could smell your perfume. i kno i've never smeled you before but i knew it was you i felt it in my crotch and in my heart you are near either in space or other astrel plain someone told me about astrill plane theo ther day and it sounded cool
do you like the fried onions on the green beens? I eat those instead of the beens! talk again soon babee
love and kiss
markk
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: supper bowl
my dear beaty
i know its been a while but ive been getting ready for the super boll in my stadium next weekend! i may not like brownball very much but i love to have a super boewel party every year and this year the whole thing is at my house haha. i’m having pf chang cater my suite but we will also have hot dogs and popcorn and soda and cocktales and lots of candy too its gonna be a blast.
girl i wish you were here but i have another idea. i have the boys from the lab putting what one of em calls a super collider under my stadium i dont know what it is but they told me its even better and throwing and sqeezing stuff than anything else weve tried so im all for it babe. maybe it’ll have laser lights for the half time show which is my favorite part of the super bowel except for all the funny commercials. what’s your favorite commercial? mine is the limmu emu and dug one haha.
baby i wish you could have some of the stuff pf chang is cookin this weekend he’s a great cook i go to his restaurant every other day almost! I don’t know how he can cook at the one in oackland and the one here in vegas but they are both great. when the game is over i’d take you out to the hover damm in my van and we would have some fun if you know what i meeeean
i gotta go and get the sodas for the bowl at vons before my coupon expires. ttyl hon keep them tatas safe haha!
kiss,
mark
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: tonite
bety my gorl,
i'm here in the sweet talking to my phone to write this email i forgot my laptop at the apartment. the pf changs is really something tonight i tell you exclamation mark. i found extra raisinets on sale at the family dollar thats going out of business by the el cortez so i bought them all and everyone loves em. the super bowl is going great i dont care who wins screw these teams i just like the food and fun times even momma is having a ball with her friend gladys i hope i have enough gin for them haha.
betty listen to me the boys in the lab just said the collider thing is ready and they'll turn it on here at halftime. usher is playing i did not know they let the stadium ushers do that but he must be pretty good so it will be fun. when they turn it on they said it'll be really loud and bright so it'll be awesome i promise. they told me to tell you to be sure to be in a flat position so get on a bed or something and they'll dial it in. oh lord baby i hope this shit works i have the van all gassed up so we can go to tahoe or something.
heres when you need to be flat so in brownball they split the game into four sections after the second section lay down and do what i told you in the voicemail i left okay?
kiss,
mark
SENT WITH MY SAMSUNG GALAXY S3 ON US CELLULAR
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FROM: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
TO: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: happening
betty listen!
its time time to lay down get into pisition right now please theyre turning it on not too much time do just what i told you period
usher is almost done and i'm running to the basement theyre turning on oh fuck it is hot down here
oh wow its so lound in here oh god its bright blue down here and it smells like the stuff i clean the toilet with and oh my god whats is that its so bright in the canister they have over here betty OH GOD OH GOD ITS SO LOUD FUC---
SENT WITH MY SAMSUNG GALAXY S3 ON US CELLULAR
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EPILOGUE
FROM: BOOP, BETTY; bboop@lvraiders.com
TO: DAVIS, MARK M; mdavis@lvraiders.com
SUBJECT: Good Morning!
My Sweet Marky-Mark,
Boop-Oop-a-Doop! ;) See you at Chang's tonight, sweetie!
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Beatrice B. Boop-Davis, J.D.
Head Coach and General Manager of Football Operations, Las Vegas Raiders
World Champions: 1967, 1976, 1980, 1983, 2025, 2026
This work is marked with CC0 1.0
